Talk in the Intimate Relationship:
His and Hers（Excerpt）
Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication. Culture is simply a network of habits and patterns gleaned from past experience, and women and men have different past experiences. These cultural differences include different expectations about the role of talk in relationships and how it fulfills that role.
Everyone knows that as a relationship becomes long-term, its terms change. But women and men often differ in how they expect them to change. Many women feel, “After all this time, you should know what I want without my telling you.” Many men feel, “After all this time, we should be able to tell each other what we want.”
化，但女人与男人对变化的方式总是有不同的期待。许多女人觉得， “ 相处了这么长时间，我不说你也应该知道我需要什么。” 而许多男人却认为， “相处了这么长时间，我们完全可以告诉对方我们需要什么。”
These incongruent expectations capture one of the key differences between men and women. Communication is always a matter of balancing conflicting needs for involvement and independence. Being understood without saying what you mean gives a payoff in involvement, and that is why women value it so highly.
参与和独立的矛盾诉求进行调和的一种努力。 “ 不言而喻” 是对参与的回报，这就是为什么女人十分看重这一点。
If you want to be understood without saying what you mean explicitly in words, you must convey meaning somewhere else—in how words are spoken, or by metamessages. Thus it stands to reason that women are often more attuned than men to the metamessages of talk. When women surmise meaning in this way, it seems mysterious to men, who call it “women’s intuition” (if they think it’s right) or “reading things in” (if they think it’s wrong). Indeed, it could be wrong, since metamessages are not on record. And even if it is right, there is still the question of scale: How signifcant are the metamessages that are there?
假如你希望无需清晰的表述就能够得到理解，你就必须通过别的途径传达你的用意，比如变换表述方式， 或代之以言外之意。所以女人比男人更适应交谈中的言外之意，就是顺理成章的事情了。当女人用这种方式来测度某种含义的时候，男人会觉得不可思议，把它称作“ 女人的直觉” （ 如果他们认同的话），或“ 异想天开” （ 如果他们不认同的话）。的确，她们的推测有可能出错， 因为言外之意并没有记录在案。 即便她们猜对了，还有一个适用范围的问题：言外之意在这里有多大的作用？
When styles differ, misunderstandings are always rife. As their different styles create misunderstandings, women and men try to clear them up by talking things out. These pitfalls are compounded in talks between men and women because they have different ways of going about talking things out, and different assumptions about the signifcance of going about it.